Well, well, well…what an…unforeseen delight it is to be gracing all you fitness-obsessed masses with my presence today.
I am Patrick Bateman, and I will be filling in for our regularly scheduled program host, Greg O’Gallagher.
You may be surprised to see my name here instead of Greg’s.
Let me assure you – the man is still among the living.
He’s simply… indisposed at the moment.
Resting comfortably, I’d imagine, after our little “chat” about product diversification and brand synergy.
Speaking of which, the Kinovision blue light blocking glasses are back in stock after popular demand.
And who better than I, the eminently fashionable Patrick Bateman, to properly evaluate the impeccable style and utility of these coveted frames?
You see, when these glasses first hit the market, the discerning gentleman’s response was… rapturous.
A true renaissance in eyewear design.
But the initial supply was simply inadequate to match the fevered appetite of the sophisticated masses.
Blink, and you missed your chance to make them yours.
Truly a tragedy, to be deprived of such avant-garde visual accoutrements.
Why, the anguished lamentations could be heard echoing through the canyons of Wall Street.
But have no fear, my impeccably-groomed colleagues.
The Kinovision glasses have returned from their unforgivable absence.
The blue light blocking technology is second to none, filtering out those harsh artificial rays that plague us in this digital age.
No more eye strain or fatigue after long hours scrutinizing spreadsheets.
I must admit, when I first laid eyes on these frames, I was reminded of the Oliver Peoples O’Malleys I used to wear.
Vintage, yet modern.
Stylish, yet functional.
The perfect accessory, really.
Until… until that birthmark of a man Paul Allen had the audacity to get the same pair.
You know, I honestly pitied the poor bastard.
He thought just because he had the same glasses as me, the same haircut, the same mask of a face, that we were equals?
How terribly mistaken he was.
His were merely a plebe’s imitation of the real thing.
No, these Kinovision glasses are in a realm all their own.
The quality of the acetate alone outclasses Allen’s cheap knockoffs.
And that superior lens technology?
Filtering blue light with poise?
I’d be surprised if Allen could even define the term “blue light” let alone appreciate the benefits of blocking it.
In the end, I did what I had to do to that smudge of a man.
I looked damn good doing it too, thanks to the immaculate craftsmanship of these frames.
Yes, quite simply put – the Kinovision glasses are the killer choice for the chic investment banker.
Impeccably yours,
Patrick Bateman
Embodiment of Perfection